Do you find it difficult to say no? Are you trying to be all things to all people? Are you forever looking after everyone else and yet don't take the time to fill up your own cup?
If this sounds like you, you're not alone! Many of my coaching clients come to me with these challenges. But I help them overcome these challenges and I’m going to tell you how…
The best way to navigate this challenge is by setting, and keeping, boundaries. This may sound simple but in practice it will take perseverance, determination and commitment.
You may also be surprised that not only will you need to assert your boundaries with those around you but you will also find that you will need to assert your boundaries with yourself.
"When you have healthy boundaries, you respect yourself, and you teach others how to respect you."
Oprah Winfrey
How do I create my own boundaries?
Imagine boundaries as the well-defined perimeters that protect your time, energy, and emotional equilibrium. They represent the framework through which you navigate life and career, fostering balance, resilience, and fulfilment.
1. Know Your Values:
Start by thinking about what really matters to you. These are your values – the things that make you, well, you. Let these guide your boundaries, making sure you're living in line with what's important to you.
2. Be open about what you need:
Communication is key. There is no use in trying to sugar coat it - just be honest about what you need. Whether it's time for yourself, a break, or saying no to extra work, let people know. Good communication results in understanding and respect.
3. Prioritise Self-Care:
Boundaries and self-care are intertwined. Make self-care non-negotiable by scheduling time for activities that make you happy – hanging out with friends, going for a walk, or just relaxing. This commitment to self-care enhances overall well-being and resilience.
"It is so liberating to really know what I want, what truly makes me happy, what I will not tolerate. I have learned that it is no one else's job to take care of me but me."
Beyoncé
Dealing with the challenge of setting, and keeping, boundaries:
It has to be said that setting boundaries and keeping those boundaries can be hard. Here are some common challenges around this and some tips on how to handle them:
1. Fear of letting people down:
Overcoming the fear of disappointing others is a common challenge. However, boundary setting is a demonstration of self-respect rather than selfishness. It's normal to worry about letting others down but as the saying goes, ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’.
2. Feeling Guilty:
Addressing guilt associated with prioritising your personal needs requires a shift in mindset. You can't help others if you're running on empty. Acknowledge that self-care is a vital investment in your capacity to contribute meaningfully to work and relationships. Redefine the narrative around self-prioritisation.
3. Stick to Your Plan:
Keeping boundaries can be challenging, especially when it seems ‘easier’ in the moment to just give in . But stay consistent, even if it feels a bit tough at first. You're not being mean; you're just putting the guardrails in place to regain and protect your energy and wellbeing.
"Boundaries are not walls. They are the rivers we swim in, or the fences that keep us safe, or the gates that let us enter and leave and taste the sweetness of life."
Brooke Castillo
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